Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
