did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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