I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
