Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
