I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
