Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
