i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
