And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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