We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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