I faked an abortion last night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
