His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
