wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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