a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
