My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
These tits shall not be calmed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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