I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize