Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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