well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
