NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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