UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
