I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
