He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
