It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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