dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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