Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
