Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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