he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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