it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
