How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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