he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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