I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
