I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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