billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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