So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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