I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
