it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
