ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
