Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
