You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
