Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
