i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
