my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
