So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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