I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
