This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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