We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
