I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
