yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
