Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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