The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
