South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
