I CAN MOONWALK!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So much rum. So many feels.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
