I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
