First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
