Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
