i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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