I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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