Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
