True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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